The “Good Woman” Myth

Sit with me for a sec.

I wanted to talk a bit about the really old script for what a “good woman” is supposed to be: pleasant, patient, reasonable, and kind in a way that makes other people feel comfy. She doesn’t take up too much space, doesn’t make too much noise, and if she’s angry, she knows how to hide it so it doesn’t scare anyone.

Most of us learn that early in girlhood, even if nobody says it out loud.

But when a woman steps outside that script, the pushback is immediate and annoyingly predictable: difficult. Dramatic. Unstable. Cold.

A confident woman becomes arrogant.
An assertive woman becomes aggressive.
An ambitious woman becomes selfish.

Same traits, different lenses.

It’s one of those things people act like we’re past these days… but it still shows up everywhere if you’re paying attention.

All of this is part of why I’m drawn to writing complicated women. Not “perfect” women. Not women who exist to be inspirational or selfless. Just women who are allowed to be human—loud, sharp, strategic, messy, ambitious, and not always interested in being liked.

Because once a woman stops performing “good,” she becomes unpredictable.

And that’s usually where the real story starts.

Happy Women’s History Month.
— AMV